pillars…

There are people who turn up anytime and everytime you need them around leaving you in awe for their timing, presence and every other possible thing.

I wonder what are they made of. What one needs to feed for a relationship to be so rock solid that you can count on someone more than your self. These people are not different than backstage heros without whom the show simply cannot run. One may not see them for sunny days, but if they sense clouds hovering over you , turn around to find them standing by you.

One has to build this a day at time for sure and one has to be importantly lucky to see the tree bearing fruits for all the efforts taken knowingly and unknowingly.

I am happy to see these strong pillars standing by you Mr husband. May you be blessed with them for rest of life. Amen…!

ticked off…

The dream of having a SUV is ticked off of my bucket list once and for all. Well it covers few another points of sublist of having a VW vehicle (yeah yours truly is hopeless brand freak 😉) and that specific colour as well. It may not sound like a deal especially for colour thing, but nothing falls in place stright here. Every choice presented has counter with list of mundane reasons.

I am yet to drive the beast, the size – length and breadth makes me nervous, but surely soon I need to get hands on the wheel. Oh and someone loves that beauty more than he does yours truly, yet another reason for holding back 🙄

We ran errands, knocked door of every possible showroom having options in the segment and I must admit VW was love at first sight. No matter how much weighed the options in terms of all the offering like performance, features and the cost, Taigun had our heart(needless to say, we ended up spending fortune).

It is isn’t just dream come true, it is helping me have that heavenly feeling of having best of everything for the boy..! I still used to see his eyes sparkle while we saw Eco Sports move on the roads. We couldn’t have it for good reason then and by the time we could think of it, it is out the market. I just hope I could cover him , if not with Eco Sports, but something even better.

While we were to welcome a new things with excitement in our hearts, bidding adieu to 1st wasnt easy thing. She will always be cherished and remembered for being a faithful companion. She was the 1st grand thing we did for ourselves.

I hope to follow this post with tale of driving experience. Till then signing off.

It’s me,

yours truly

Identity and individuality…!

Does it make sense to respond on behalf of a gender group because the group it self is being criticised to a level not acceptable because of some rotten apples?

I felt wave of anguish for all girls/ women addressed with the worst words I could tolerate and aptly gave it back then and there. I have a realisation for the prejudices and biases against the feminine gender and I thought I have moved on from it once and for all. It was utterly down to the level that I couldn’t simply let it pass.

I just wonder what kind of mindset it is to completely overlook that is wrong under our own feets and do a full throttle effort to pin point entire world so badly that our wrong is buried deep down for anyone to see.

Nothing and no one is perfect, why we just cannot live and let live ? Why we have to peep into others lives and have a say or suggestions which are not asked for? What kind of achievement one leads to by proving others wrong and down.

I need a break from every damn thing around. I need a patience and energy to look at good over evil, get past all that is not appropriate. Amen…..!

emotional turbulence…!

Things happen and end up stirring every corner of your the mind leaving you with nothing more than a dismay.

Life brings you up to everything that you didn’t think of in your wildest dream and leaves you wondering does it even really make sense to plan/imagine the things. In reality we as human don’t have even a percent of control over any thing that is happening around.

People turn around, left and right, up and down with blink of eye. The ones you counted on to be your core seem to be part of different world without you realising that move. Each of your move judged and counted as foul no matter how unintentionally it happens.

Nothing is pure. All your actions are labelled and interpreted in possible ways except for your thought process behind it.

Take on what life throws…!

as she turns 5…

Yes my sunshine turned 5 couple of days back. I cannot get over the memory of feelings of anxiety,fear,cheer and every other emotion human mind go through for the D day and viola it is past 5 years already.

I must say she does every single thing on her wish and will and this holds true since the time of her time and day of her birth. She is full term baby literally and not just 9 months , she took complete 9 hours on the day to peep into this world. No remedy, no amount of labour induction could make her come little early and make me free of it all…! I don’t know if it is the case around for every one, but I vividly remember every bit of the DAY.

Fast forward to her turning 5, they say have a daughter and you will have little version of yourself to argue with , and that holds true for us 😀. We kinda debate on anything and everything, be it be dress to wear, way to style hair, pair of shoes to wear to name a few.

Besides all mess that we go through every day, she is one of piller of my support system. She can sense change my mood and already knows how to comfort. She is the one who was by my side while learnt to sit behind driving wheel of a 4 wheeler and I cannot put down how happy she is to tell about that her mumma can drive. She equally appreciate when I bake a cake for her or make an ice-cream for her. I don’t from where she has it, but she likes what is all home made.(it makes me looking into the kitchen often more than I would have ever given a choice 🙄) On this note, I must say for her simplicity is the mantra…! and she is hell bent on this. She is absolutely off the glittery things and that makes me smile ear to ear with sigh of relief.

Well that is what all I can quickly scribble down not to miss on her milestone. Happiest 5th my world l. Fly high and stay blessed. ,❤️💕

brocken crayons and uncapped markers

Well title pretty much sums up your truly’s life. When I get off the office chair, I either pick up the broken pieces of the crayons at every possible flat surface of the house or I end up capping open markers/sketch pens and I cannot put down how irritating and tiring it is.

Well on the other hand, we are learning to read phonetically how to spell the words with the sounds of letters and I am happy to share my almost 5yrs old munchkin is able to read 3 letters words. We read anything and everything that is spelled in English. Shouldn’t a mommy be happy about it ? With this progress for English, she is not speaking a single complete sentence in Marathi, sigh 😦 . Am I expecting too much, Yes is the answer, argh….!

Mommy’s around, please help me know how to get over this? I do not see the solution to any of these.

soulful conversation…!

I cannot put it words how it feels to spill the beans while resting my head on your shoulder and mesmerize in the beauty of the life with sigh of relief, leaving all my fears and worries to you. Everything under the sun seems possible when I have you by my side. I wonder how you have assuring answers to all my fearful questions and insecurities. I still have no clue of what made you fall for me , but for me it is your generosity and utter non judgmental attitude and over the years unstinted rock solid support.

You help me have courage to dream again and dream big. Though we appear almost to be two parallel lines if one is to consider our natures individually, having the one destination to reach and still maintaining the individual space wouldn’t have been possible without you.

I was longing for it long and I promise to have such conversations more often 🙂

You’re the light, you’re the night
You’re the color of my blood
You’re the cure, you’re the pain
You’re the only thing I wanna touch
Never knew that it could mean so much, so much

You’re the fear, I don’t care
‘Cause I’ve never been so high
Follow me through the dark
Let me take you past our satellites
You can see the world you brought to life, to life

So love me like you do, lo-lo-love me like you do
Love me like you do, lo-lo-love me like you do…!

❤ ❤

it’s ok not to be ok…

Apparently as the title suggests it’s not ok. I am either pissed off or scared or just not fine with probably anything.

I am heck tired of falling sick every other day. I feel so drained emotionally that I cannot even comfort my own self, forget about others. I am at loss of words for conversation to him, oh my what can be more dreadful. I wonder if my 30s hormones are doing the trick or I have deficiency of all those vital amines. What ever it is , it is not letting me to be me. At times I am at the tip of outburst and I feel nothing at the other. As weird as it may sound I feel trapped.

There are two people in the world whom I can talk to without being judged or all my secrets are safe with them. One of them is again so don’t like to trouble her every now and then, but the other? I and only I have all rights in the world to trouble him, but sigh , I keep thinking and thinking without uttering a word….! I swear it isn’t deliberately done, but it is happening no matter how much I hate it.

I simply cannot concentrate. There are 100 things running on my mind at any given point of time. I am not reading, not working to best of my capacity , not writing either. I don’t workout, even the stroll or evening walks rare these days, stuck between the corners of the house. I never imagined this can cause nuisance to me.

I just need some fresh air , a good book to read and inline blog post about what I liked in it.

https://youtu.be/SXGMWuJZeeo

Feeling like a drop in the ocean
That don’t nobody notice
Maybe it’s all just in your head
Feeling like you’re trapped in your own skin
And now your body’s frozen
Broken down, you’ve got nothing left

When you’re high on emotion
And you’re losing your focus
And you feel too exhausted to pray
Don’t get lost in the moment
Or give up when you’re closest
All you need is somebody to say

It’s okay not to be okay
It’s okay not to be okay
When you’re down and you feel ashamed
It’s okay not to be okay

Feeling like your life’s an illusion
And lately, you’re secluded
Thinking you’ll never get your chance
Feeling like you got no solution
It’s only ’cause you’re human
No control, it’s out of your hands

When you’re high on emotion
And you’re losing your focus
And you feel too exhausted to pray
Don’t get lost in the moment
Or give up when you’re closest
All you need is somebody to say

It’s okay not to be okay
It’s okay not to be okay
When you’re down and you feel ashamed
It’s okay not to be okay

When you’re high on emotion
And you’re losing your focus
And you feel too exhausted to pray
Don’t get lost in the moment
Or give up when you’re closest
All you need is somebody to say

It’s okay not to be okay (ohh)
It’s okay not to be okay (no, no, no)
When you’re down and you feel ashamed
(When you feel ashamed)
It’s okay not to be okay (no, no)
It’s okay not to be okaySource: LyricFind

it takes time…!

This is the realisation all around me for quite some time now. It is syncing in profoundly with each thought crossing my mind, with each tangled thread I am trying to untangle as swiftly as I can.

We had wonderfull “us” time while we were on the road driving that long after significant time. It was just us and we could touch base n number of things we did, we are doing and we will be doing. I feel I must have grown atleast some inches wiser if we could count wisdom with this measure. Yes his talking does this to me and generally this happens over a drive way to a dinner and across the table there. Thanks to covid now that dinning out or going anywhere out casually is distant dream.

Not that I or we have concrete plans for everything for day to day things of for the future that they say, but some things are done and dusted. Vision for some blurry things is clear now. I clearly know what I shouldn’t indulge myself in and now I am able to make boundaries around me for the same. Hopefully I won’t let the same things weigh me down any more.

This evolving wouldn’t have happened over night no matter how calm and matured and understanding we were even 7 years back. It takes time to learn to let go. It takes time to move on. It takes time stop bothering about certain things. It takes time to heal. It takes time to grow wise and make peace with whatever you have and wherever you are…..!

It took time for us too to have each other… ❤️

N.B. : little out of context tough, did I mention yours truly still flatters on hearing she is loved for what she is…! 😘❤️

Signing off….

It’s me,

Yours truly 🙂