it takes time…!

This is the realisation all around me for quite some time now. It is syncing in profoundly with each thought crossing my mind, with each tangled thread I am trying to untangle as swiftly as I can.

We had wonderfull “us” time while we were on the road driving that long after significant time. It was just us and we could touch base n number of things we did, we are doing and we will be doing. I feel I must have grown atleast some inches wiser if we could count wisdom with this measure. Yes his talking does this to me and generally this happens over a drive way to a dinner and across the table there. Thanks to covid now that dinning out or going anywhere out casually is distant dream.

Not that I or we have concrete plans for everything for day to day things of for the future that they say, but some things are done and dusted. Vision for some blurry things is clear now. I clearly know what I shouldn’t indulge myself in and now I am able to make boundaries around me for the same. Hopefully I won’t let the same things weigh me down any more.

This evolving wouldn’t have happened over night no matter how calm and matured and understanding we were even 7 years back. It takes time to learn to let go. It takes time to move on. It takes time stop bothering about certain things. It takes time to heal. It takes time to grow wise and make peace with whatever you have and wherever you are…..!

It took time for us too to have each other… ❤️

N.B. : little out of context tough, did I mention yours truly still flatters on hearing she is loved for what she is…! 😘❤️

Signing off….

It’s me,

Yours truly 🙂

forward to 7th year

I am here again yet another time after ages. So many things happened in between. It is second consecutive year of a so called lockdown here. So just like last year we are locked in side the house. What makes this more worrisome is every other phone calls gives the news about another relative/acquaintance hit by Covid, sigh..! As of now all them who were affected so far are back home safe and sound and one cannot ask for more given the situation around.

The post started on quiet sad note, but there are some good things which are worth mentioning atleast for my own reference, so that I can smile looking at the memory pop up about by own write up. Well our little one turned 4 last month and we completed 7 years of being married this month. I have mentioned it in more than 50% of my posts and I am mentioning it again time does fly..! 7 years , I mena really? We know each other almost like a second nature now. Mr husband already has a skill to learn about people around quickly but for me it took time. We can act pretty sane for world now when inside we are struggling hard to be on the same page. We have improved our reading between the lines. Many day to day things are taken care implicitly. Most importantly we respect each other more and we equally respect each other’s space. We have concrete discussions on upbringing of our sweety pie so that we don’t miss out on things just because we couldn’t pay attention for things which she is capable of doing. It is imperative to keep things in check for her learning and unlearning various things.

And now that we are matured in many aspects of relationship and life , I still crave for mundane discussions about anything and everything and burst of a laughter there by. I still want us to be free from bindings of every other relation and be just same old us for some time atleast. I cannot take myself to be less attentive part of your space and might not be able to do so ever. A thing that I would like to mention and thank you Mr husband for being my go to guy for all these years without a bit change and I am yet to hear from you about where I stand.

I will have to write another post on how does it feel to see and know you have raised a being to 4 years. Intresting it is going to be.

For now, singing off on note of this melodious song which we are listening in loop 🙂

मेरी जाँ, मुझे जाँ न कहो मेरी जाँ
मेरी जाँ, मेरी जाँ
मुझे जाँ न कहो मेरी जाँ
मेरी जाँ, मेरी जाँ

जाँ न कहो अंजान मुझे 
जान कहाँ रहती है सदा
अंजाने, क्या जाने
जान के जाए कौन भला
मेरी जाँ
मुझे जाँ न कहो मेरी जाँ ...

सूखे सावन बरस गए
कितनी बार इन आँखों से
दो बूँदें ना बरसे
इन भीगी पलकों से
मेरी जाँ
मुझे जाँ न कहो मेरी जाँ   ...

होंठ झुके जब होंठों पर
साँस उलझी हो साँसों में
दो जुड़वाँ होंठों की
बात कहो आँखों से
मेरी जाँ
मुझे जाँ न कहो मेरी जाँ   ...
https://youtu.be/F6FkVPOMtvM
Its me,
yours truly 😘

mundane…!

It’s been long time I have visited this place. Today as well I don’t have anything precise on my mind, so is the title of the post…!

A complete year is almost gone and here’s your’s truly contemplating over positives and negatives. There are some important things that went for toss because this entire year was aweful and crazy to unimaginable extent. I am yearning for a start of new year on right foot. Fingers crossed..!

They say forbidden fruit is sweetest, and I am experiencing it day in and out. I am neither wonderer nor a party person and I might not have even realised that we haven’t been on break for long if there weren’t daily reminders for the same. Now that they keep repeating the things about staying in, I feel urge to be out. Crazy I know, being a mother of 3.5 yrs old keeps us from crossing the line.

Best thing that happened to me during this time is Netflix and Prim. I wasn’t into webseries before with exception of little things, but now with some good recommendations from Mr husband I am hogging over the episodes and seasons there by. I am glad this happened, this had helped me stay away from somethings which I was trying hard. Vocabulary, ideas , perspectives are some of the other countable advantages and I am ignoring increased screen time for that 😉

I finally started sitting behind the wheel with measurable confidence. 🙂 This was on list for last 6 years, and it is finally happening. This is one thing that I have learnt new and is practically visible. I had almost made up my mind for loosing over learning edge and the thought ran chill down my spine every time it crossed my mind.

I started and left daily workouts. Sigh ……! Looking forward to start it over let’s say from tomorrow morning it self. Healthy mind dwells in healthy body, I totally buy it.

I need to put an end as she is literally dragging me to play with her, signing off with making note of things to put down in part two of mundane things.

Till then, stay blessed…!

It’s me,

Your’s truly.. 🙂

life is beautiful…!

Leading by example makes a huge difference while raising a child. We were definitely not expecting to see it in effect this quickly.

I had taken a day off work and was completing all the mundane things before settling down around 2 o’clock in the afternoon. It was time for her nap too. She climbed on the bed seeing me sitting there and what she said was priceless :

Me : Chal ata jhopayachi wel jhaliye (Come on its time for sleep now)

She : (While climbing up) Aai tu aaj kitti kam kelays, me ata tula ek chan dress gift deyin ha …! (Mumma you have worked so much today, I will gift you a nice dress for that..) ❤ ❤ ..

Seeing your kid practicing compassion at age where she is not even out of your laps literally is priceless. What else you ask for 🙂

detox…!

It took myriad of efforts for me to breath that sigh of relief nearing the DETOX….!

Detox from every possible unhealthy thought, from all filthy talk that is not worth my time, sweat and blood. It is no easy to get rid of those inner screams of anguish, disgust, disappoint and all similar feelings but at the same time it is way more disastrous to let it come out every now and then.

They say small minds trick you to bring down to their level and make you do what you wouldn’t otherwise ..! I came across this very experience n number times in the recent past. I ended up asking myself, wait what , did I do or say that,Gosh..! I never ever want to get down to that level , ever I say.! Along with witnessing what I said above , I am seeing karma playing its role a big time. Person under effect may or may not realize it, but as a by stander I could clearly see and relate to it, not once or twice but multiple times. This perhaps proves, none of our intervention is required to let someone pay for the wrong deeds. It is just matter of time.

I totally take the fact that none of us can please every one around at any point of time, definitions of wrong and right are subjective and vary person to person but at-least one can try to be rational or neutral if not anything else.None of us is gifted with right to point anyone down just because we are standing a level above irrespective of the way we have reached there. All superiority one has gained is definitely not for making someone else feel inferior. Time does take turns to show us both the sides of life.

I wish and bend down to pray for strength – to look beyond what is obvious to eyes, to abide by the sense of righteousness. Don’t get me wrong, by no means I am trying to be saint or something. It is all in effort of keeping up the inner peace and doing a gesture of gratitude in return to all of the blessings I have.

P.S : Post is not written pointing anyone specific, more of in general day to day experiences and observations. 🙂

5th down and forever to go..!

Here we complete 5 years of being married. It took a while for me to
comprehend that we are literary completing 5 years of tying a knot. Time did fly by. Path that we crossed so far was not all roses. We crossed a million
hiccups and zillion arguments. Eventually we are learning to quickly settle
down for a common agreement or to keep the ends open and parallel rather than holding on things and letting it create void.

I feel we have grown together in this span of years to be more wise humans,
companions and of course as evolving parents. Evolving with you is something I will cherish forever. Trust me it is none less than living best of both worlds to be with you. No doubt we still have a long to go for improvements in terms of individuals and relationship too, we are still full of imperfections, but the best thing that has happened is embracing each other as we were/are.

I look up to you as my hope, rock solid support to whom I would forever see
backing me, someone who would stand for me even the phase where I may not be able to stand for myself and of course someone who would keep showering love infinitely.

I know we don’t show/say it often, but we know deep down that it exists for
more gravity and meaning now than before, and it will continue to be so for the years to come.

Wish us (belated) very happy anniversary.

It’s
me,

Yours truly

आई हैं खुशियों का पेगाम लेके बहारें
ये पल है अपना, इस पल में आओ
तक़दीर अपनी संवारे ..
हो कुछ तुम सोचो कुछ हम सोचें
फिर खुशी का मौसम आए ……

nearing the year end…

As this year draws to end, here’s me summing up things gone right and wrong.

I have learnt to gulp down the wave of anger to save relations and make peace with it eventually. I am not he person who would burst out every now and then but it is almost cut down to never now. I talk with who can read between the lines and listen even if I am not saying it a loud and I am all set for trowing it on back burner. I have realized it hard way and big time that inner peace is what matters to me more than anything else. Being at peace end of day and be able to close the eyes after a content conversion with G is recipe of sound sleep for me these days.

To be able to put forward our own opinions in daily affairs is another thing that we both are learning. This learning hasn’t came easy as every one around is under impression that if we haven’t said anything so far, we shouldn’t be saying it any time.We are learning to stand for our decisions and make moves to make things fall in place. It may be sound no deal to some, but it has been so far us fortunately or unfortunately.

I have learnt to make most of the very little time that we are able to spare for each other and for our little one. It is none less difficult than walking on tight rope to reach desired end. Feeling of loosing bond with her is deadliest dreams I have ever seen in my life and even small gist of it runs chill down my spine.I cannot simply take it for anything in the world and is no different for G too. Thought of me and her being real best friends like we both are now is mesmerizing picture I am looking forward to. I know it going to take a lot of every thing and I am all up for it.

I am able to keep up with most of things I have said about in my last post.Taking appropriate actions is straightening up many things for me and I am going to continue on the same path.

I have started reading again, of course something beyond news paper and social media and that is “YAY” thing for me. This needs consistent improvement and I am trying my best to keep up with it.

Now I have sought through most of the real troubling things, another list that needs attention is already here:

1)Teach little-one one new thing every day.

2)Learn something new in technology every single day.

3)Exercise no matter what day it is.

4)Cut down social media time.

5)Plan at-least 2 vacations in a year if not more.

6)Move away from the things that you don’t like -action is all it takes.

7)Practice gratitude and mindfulness.

8)Save more and save right(shop less).

9)Take real good care of skin and hair.

10)Write more.

This it for now,  see you in the new year.

Its me,

Yours truly. 🙂

action is all it takes..!

They say actions speak more than words and so do I believe firmly. Saying something is really not difficult to do and proving that it is not rocket science – it takes DOING IT right off the bat…! Well these are the words of the wisdom I heard from G and  I am still contemplating on them to comprehend and inculcate once and for all. We have been to this point for numerous times by now in the span of four and half years of being married. I have still not managed to tick somethings off the list that are counted as “you don’t do it as you are not capable of doing it” and move them to “I don’t do it because I don’t like doing it. sigh..!

Sure it is not going to take ages to master any of those things as I already said none of it is rocket science and still I took more than 4 years to reach to this realization and actually pull up the socks and get going. I wonder what would I have done if he wasn’t around. Who else on earth has this patience to deal with a stubborn like me who literally took ages to even pay hid to something that is really basic, well for world it is so, if not for me and you. I am head over hills for you buddy, for yet another time. I was under impression that upbringing is all that makes difference, and you proved me wrong. I understand now that it is individuals efforts to see and be beyond the obvious is what all it takes. Nothing else can make this difference.

I was all busy finding common ground and trying move the rock who is more than happy where it is irrespective of the unnecessary wear and tear it has to face. All the genuine effort to bring ease,comfort and to have a support system for each other have gone in-vein.  I kept on taking and giving chances in the hope of improvisation, loosing pieces of my spark all the way. I was so occupied finding and showing ways to feel worthy for those who live as if they took birth on the earth only to feel content in being worthless on the other side of worthiness. Even more unfortunate fact being you are counted as “good for nothing” for the way you try to hold your head high and feel good.

Do I feel lost ?, well it wont be exaggeration if I end up saying that is the only thing I feel these days. What else one could feel if efforts you are making are overlooked if as if it just didn’t happen and you are held responsible for the change that you didn’t plane for even in wildest of your dream. I am really tired of feeling insignificant most of the times and suddenly solely responsible for things I did not do. The more I try to make a place of my own, more it is getting on my nerves out my reach.

To make that difference and to regain all that is lost on the way is all on my list now..!

Until I see you for the next time.

Its me,

yours truly.

disappointment….!

Not getting your demands fulfilled/answered when asked for is one kind of disappointment and ignoring your little one’s demands to refrain her from getting habitual to fulfillment is way more than disappointment…! sigh