detox…!

It took myriad of efforts for me to breath that sigh of relief nearing the DETOX….!

Detox from every possible unhealthy thought, from all filthy talk that is not worth my time, sweat and blood. It is no easy to get rid of those inner screams of anguish, disgust, disappoint and all similar feelings but at the same time it is way more disastrous to let it come out every now and then.

They say small minds trick you to bring down to their level and make you do what you wouldn’t otherwise ..! I came across this very experience n number times in the recent past. I ended up asking myself, wait what , did I do or say that,Gosh..! I never ever want to get down to that level , ever I say.! Along with witnessing what I said above , I am seeing karma playing its role a big time. Person under effect may or may not realize it, but as a by stander I could clearly see and relate to it, not once or twice but multiple times. This perhaps proves, none of our intervention is required to let someone pay for the wrong deeds. It is just matter of time.

I totally take the fact that none of us can please every one around at any point of time, definitions of wrong and right are subjective and vary person to person but at-least one can try to be rational or neutral if not anything else.None of us is gifted with right to point anyone down just because we are standing a level above irrespective of the way we have reached there. All superiority one has gained is definitely not for making someone else feel inferior. Time does take turns to show us both the sides of life.

I wish and bend down to pray for strength – to look beyond what is obvious to eyes, to abide by the sense of righteousness. Don’t get me wrong, by no means I am trying to be saint or something. It is all in effort of keeping up the inner peace and doing a gesture of gratitude in return to all of the blessings I have.

P.S : Post is not written pointing anyone specific, more of in general day to day experiences and observations. 🙂

5th down and forever to go..!

Here we complete 5 years of being married. It took a while for me to
comprehend that we are literary completing 5 years of tying a knot. Time did fly by. Path that we crossed so far was not all roses. We crossed a million
hiccups and zillion arguments. Eventually we are learning to quickly settle
down for a common agreement or to keep the ends open and parallel rather than holding on things and letting it create void.

I feel we have grown together in this span of years to be more wise humans,
companions and of course as evolving parents. Evolving with you is something I will cherish forever. Trust me it is none less than living best of both worlds to be with you. No doubt we still have a long to go for improvements in terms of individuals and relationship too, we are still full of imperfections, but the best thing that has happened is embracing each other as we were/are.

I look up to you as my hope, rock solid support to whom I would forever see
backing me, someone who would stand for me even the phase where I may not be able to stand for myself and of course someone who would keep showering love infinitely.

I know we don’t show/say it often, but we know deep down that it exists for
more gravity and meaning now than before, and it will continue to be so for the years to come.

Wish us (belated) very happy anniversary.

It’s
me,

Yours truly

आई हैं खुशियों का पेगाम लेके बहारें
ये पल है अपना, इस पल में आओ
तक़दीर अपनी संवारे ..
हो कुछ तुम सोचो कुछ हम सोचें
फिर खुशी का मौसम आए ……

nearing the year end…

As this year draws to end, here’s me summing up things gone right and wrong.

I have learnt to gulp down the wave of anger to save relations and make peace with it eventually. I am not he person who would burst out every now and then but it is almost cut down to never now. I talk with who can read between the lines and listen even if I am not saying it a loud and I am all set for trowing it on back burner. I have realized it hard way and big time that inner peace is what matters to me more than anything else. Being at peace end of day and be able to close the eyes after a content conversion with G is recipe of sound sleep for me these days.

To be able to put forward our own opinions in daily affairs is another thing that we both are learning. This learning hasn’t came easy as every one around is under impression that if we haven’t said anything so far, we shouldn’t be saying it any time.We are learning to stand for our decisions and make moves to make things fall in place. It may be sound no deal to some, but it has been so far us fortunately or unfortunately.

I have learnt to make most of the very little time that we are able to spare for each other and for our little one. It is none less difficult than walking on tight rope to reach desired end. Feeling of loosing bond with her is deadliest dreams I have ever seen in my life and even small gist of it runs chill down my spine.I cannot simply take it for anything in the world and is no different for G too. Thought of me and her being real best friends like we both are now is mesmerizing picture I am looking forward to. I know it going to take a lot of every thing and I am all up for it.

I am able to keep up with most of things I have said about in my last post.Taking appropriate actions is straightening up many things for me and I am going to continue on the same path.

I have started reading again, of course something beyond news paper and social media and that is “YAY” thing for me. This needs consistent improvement and I am trying my best to keep up with it.

Now I have sought through most of the real troubling things, another list that needs attention is already here:

1)Teach little-one one new thing every day.

2)Learn something new in technology every single day.

3)Exercise no matter what day it is.

4)Cut down social media time.

5)Plan at-least 2 vacations in a year if not more.

6)Move away from the things that you don’t like -action is all it takes.

7)Practice gratitude and mindfulness.

8)Save more and save right(shop less).

9)Take real good care of skin and hair.

10)Write more.

This it for now,  see you in the new year.

Its me,

Yours truly. 🙂

action is all it takes..!

They say actions speak more than words and so do I believe firmly. Saying something is really not difficult to do and proving that it is not rocket science – it takes DOING IT right off the bat…! Well these are the words of the wisdom I heard from G and  I am still contemplating on them to comprehend and inculcate once and for all. We have been to this point for numerous times by now in the span of four and half years of being married. I have still not managed to tick somethings off the list that are counted as “you don’t do it as you are not capable of doing it” and move them to “I don’t do it because I don’t like doing it. sigh..!

Sure it is not going to take ages to master any of those things as I already said none of it is rocket science and still I took more than 4 years to reach to this realization and actually pull up the socks and get going. I wonder what would I have done if he wasn’t around. Who else on earth has this patience to deal with a stubborn like me who literally took ages to even pay hid to something that is really basic, well for world it is so, if not for me and you. I am head over hills for you buddy, for yet another time. I was under impression that upbringing is all that makes difference, and you proved me wrong. I understand now that it is individuals efforts to see and be beyond the obvious is what all it takes. Nothing else can make this difference.

I was all busy finding common ground and trying move the rock who is more than happy where it is irrespective of the unnecessary wear and tear it has to face. All the genuine effort to bring ease,comfort and to have a support system for each other have gone in-vein.  I kept on taking and giving chances in the hope of improvisation, loosing pieces of my spark all the way. I was so occupied finding and showing ways to feel worthy for those who live as if they took birth on the earth only to feel content in being worthless on the other side of worthiness. Even more unfortunate fact being you are counted as “good for nothing” for the way you try to hold your head high and feel good.

Do I feel lost ?, well it wont be exaggeration if I end up saying that is the only thing I feel these days. What else one could feel if efforts you are making are overlooked if as if it just didn’t happen and you are held responsible for the change that you didn’t plane for even in wildest of your dream. I am really tired of feeling insignificant most of the times and suddenly solely responsible for things I did not do. The more I try to make a place of my own, more it is getting on my nerves out my reach.

To make that difference and to regain all that is lost on the way is all on my list now..!

Until I see you for the next time.

Its me,

yours truly.

disappointment….!

Not getting your demands fulfilled/answered when asked for is one kind of disappointment and ignoring your little one’s demands to refrain her from getting habitual to fulfillment is way more than disappointment…! sigh

hugs and kisses

What can be more appeasable than a super surprise gesture of kindness/love from your 15 months old..! She plants a kiss on your cheek and hugs like it has been ages that you have seen her after a long boring/tiring day at office :). We are blessed with real sweetheart, aren’t we? When did she learn it? How did she knew that I was really in need of it?(did I tell ya HE isn’t around 😦 )

Life is beautiful 🙂 ❤

motherhood saga – ode to unsung hero

It was mother’s day couple of days back and so was this post lingering on my mind. Sure it is a blessing and it is much more than that if you have a that one person as your partner of motherhood – of-course in literal sense.

I would not say motherhood is overrated as every moment of it is either a sweet surprise or a new hiccup to get over, but fatherhood is underrated for sure is what I honestly feel. Now that we are at the advent of gender equality, fathers have come far beyond of their role of being mere bread winners and yours truly is fortunate enough to have such a significant other. So for this time, motherhood saga is all about ode to unsung hero of it – a father of 14 months old.

When I reminisce last two years, the time since we knew are going to be parents to the date, every day has been a new adventure and things kept changing to extent of turning my world upside down – only HE being the constant support to rely on. Things have changed for him to in exactly same way and extent if not more and I interrogate – did I bother about it? for the obvious answer. I was/am so occupied handling spilled over things that I tend to look back only when I need a shoulder to lean on – Unfair, I understand and accept that. Motherhood doesn’t turn any one dumb and deaf for the rest of world though it brings you on toes round the clock. Possible reason for this may be that things that appeared on the surface were so calm,subtle and stable that they hardly showed any glimpse of turmoil underneath. I bow down this art of him of keeping the surface calm irrespective of relentless paddling going down there.

As time is progressing, I am realizing that motherhood takes far more than nine moths of carrying and labor. I keep wondering for how and when things changed and started falling in place without me nagging me for any of it. It started right after we were back here – adjusting her here with new predicament, getting up at any odd hour of the night for her formula,bearing with her peeps and poos,sleeping cautiously every minute of night for she may fall off the bed when she started crawling, giving her bath,making her sleep,changing her nappies and clothes, making her hair and now feeding her from your own dish no matter how much mess she creates with both of her hands in the dish.No one is born with capabilities to go swiftly about all this and so it must not have been easy for you either.

This is just to let you know that nothing of it has gone unnoticed though it may not have been reacted to from time to time. You are adored even more than before for this helping hand without being asked for it. I am spell bound to put what it means to have this all. And though you are sharing the responsibilities for motherhood already, it takes a mother to appreciate it 🙂

Wishing all the mothers and helping fathers a very happy Mother’s day..!

sad state of affair – rant

When things get on nerves, this is place to vent out. I have striven and come a long a of being non-impulsive.Perhaps there are certain things which my mind surpasses of all the efforts that I put in. People who know me well know that those things literally choke me up. I understand there are perspectives and beliefs that are not going to change for another few centuries if not more. You people might have already started getting gist of it.

What defines prestige of people here is how grand/gold-full/blusterous your daughters wedding is. If you cannot make it to either of above, you have almost no right to live. I know it is most trivial thing being talked about, and internet might already be having millions of article on the same issue.I have refrained myself from penning it down for real long for that fact that I am sure it is may leave bad taste about my persona for some, as some of you know me personally. But as I just cannot get over for this time around and nothing else is working out, I have to do this irrespective of the reciprocation that it will bring to me. But then after all it is my perspective and I am not holding it for or against anybody.

If one cannot keep funding gifting their children for life time some or other way , it is lost battle of good parenting – one has failed miserably. Yes, this is the extremity I get to hear day in and out. Now that I am already a mother of 1 year old, it strikes me even more than before. If X amount of money is all I have to do something for my daughter i.e. keep the money safe and get her married grandly and keep funding gifting her for whatever span of life we are together or EDUCATE her with her choices,given the background that I am born and brought up in to , to educate her is the only way forward in my view. I don’t see the other options at all.And that is what has been done for both us in-spite of the fact that we both are girls – okay quiet ordinary thing,I know. We were happily let pursue streams of our choices irrespective of the money matter, and to me this is a thing that stands out. Thought and cost of getting us married did not inter-vain ruin our education choices. Not any single thing of it has come easy and every penny was worth a count. And now that we are officially educated and employed with decent jobs , why on the earth someone would feel bad if we flaunt it as an achievement? or should I ignore this as an example of the famous saying of sore grapes? or it is an attempt to make me look down even more for real unworthy reason as many around know I am the best example of what a low self esteem can be and this tricks can work wonders easily on me?

If I/we working women have respect for those who are home makers, I wonder what makes society look down upon us? May be we don’t have cleanest houses, we my not be master chefs, we may have a little spoiled kids.My question does staying at home guarantee that all the above mentioned and similar things ? If you boast that it takes almost nothing to go out,find and sustain a job, I openly challenge to those coward minds to literally go out and just try getting it. If being humble is considered as your availability at disposal, perhaps it is time to stop being so then.

I know I shouldn’t give s**t about this entire thinking process which is sign of literacy and not education. Every one is free to make choices about what makes to the top of their own priority list but definitely not free to rule out someone else’s choices. It is individuals decisions to choose and I believe we should respect each others or atleast avoid bad mouthing if cannot respect.

I seek strength and patience from almighty so that no effort can deter my efforts of seeing good over evil,to be able to pass on the legacy of good thoughts and not any of material thing to my next generation. Amen…!

इतनी शक्ति हमें देना दाता
मनका विश्वास कमजोर हो ना…

P.S. – I have not written this post to point out someone specific and have no intentions to hurt anyone’s sentiments.

Weekly photo challenge :Smile

https://wp.me/p23sd-14Pl