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motherhood saga – ode to unsung hero


It was mother’s day couple of days back and so was this post lingering on my mind. Sure it is a blessing and it is much more than that if you have a that one person as your partner of motherhood – of-course in literal sense.

I would not say motherhood is overrated as every moment of it is either a sweet surprise or a new hiccup to get over, but fatherhood is underrated for sure is what I honestly feel. Now that we are at the advent of gender equality, fathers have come far beyond of their role of being mere bread winners and yours truly is fortunate enough to have such a significant other. So for this time, motherhood saga is all about ode to unsung hero of it – a father of 14 months old.

When I reminisce last two years, the time since we knew are going to be parents to the date, every day has been a new adventure and things kept changing to extent of turning my world upside down – only HE being the constant support to rely on. Things have changed for him to in exactly same way and extent if not more and I interrogate – did I bother about it? for the obvious answer. I was/am so occupied handling spilled over things that I tend to look back only when I need a shoulder to lean on – Unfair, I understand and accept that. Motherhood doesn’t turn any one dumb and deaf for the rest of world though it brings you on toes round the clock. Possible reason for this may be that things that appeared on the surface were so calm,subtle and stable that they hardly showed any glimpse of turmoil underneath. I bow down this art of him of keeping the surface calm irrespective of relentless paddling going down there.

As time is progressing, I am realizing that motherhood takes far more than nine moths of carrying and labor. I keep wondering for how and when things changed and started falling in place without me nagging me for any of it. It started right after we were back here – adjusting her here with new predicament, getting up at any odd hour of the night for her formula,bearing with her peeps and poos,sleeping cautiously every minute of night for she may fall off the bed when she started crawling, giving her bath,making her sleep,changing her nappies and clothes, making her hair and now feeding her from your own dish no matter how much mess she creates with both of her hands in the dish.No one is born with capabilities to go swiftly about all this and so it must not have been easy for you either.

This is just to let you know that nothing of it has gone unnoticed though it may not have been reacted to from time to time. You are adored even more than before for this helping hand without being asked for it. I am spell bound to put what it means to have this all. And though you are sharing the responsibilities for motherhood already, it takes a mother to appreciate it πŸ™‚

Wishing all the mothers and helping fathers a very happy Mother’s day..!

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To the complete Big 1


Well your mumma almost missed it and is late as always. It was on 29th and that is more than couple of days back. They say better late than never, so here I am.

Wish you a very happy first birthday sweetheart. Love to the moon and back and blessings from all of us. May you be blessed with best of everything you would ever cherish for.

We made sure to keep the celebration as simple as possible as we didn’t wanted to see you cry, feel annoyed and give up on everything. You are too small for all this and we promise the one absolutely the way you want when you yourself can tell us about how you want it to be. We know somewhere that we disappointed many people around doing this, but it was all for you and so we wanted it to be suitable for you and nothing else was even of concern.

Capturing your milestones on the occasion of the D day here :

You can almost walk without any support. I wish I could protect you from the contaminated air and just have a pure thing for you to breath and save you from all those viral things,sigh. It brought you down and made you weak to the core. Hoping for your seepdy recovery.

Oh yes how can we forget about your teething, 1 is clearly out and others have started peeping out. Cannot wait to see you as our cute little bunny with two upper ones out :). I know it is way too painful for you but this is how we all have it, so hang on you are almost there.

You can speak now, yeah the clear words. Most important you gladly call me “Aai” with that cute smile and you know it is a thing to die for. You have no idea how much I have been waiting for this to happen since you started blabbering.

You have started recognising a few animals and fondly try to imitate there voices. I am trying my best to capture and preserve it all.

You are getting addicted to rhymes played on the phone, and I don’t have a clear solution as to how can I make you forget this as I am not around you 24X7. This and such similar things gives me and your papa worries to an extent that we end thinking of quitting the work as solution to put an end to all this mess 😦

Last but not the least you are improving on sleep hours in the night and I can have a sleep for 4 hours straight uninterrupted. This is quite an achievement for both of us , ain’t it πŸ˜‰

I don’t know for what reason but I am not able to bring this post to an inline end, putting an end with these lines:

My baby

clumsy


So here we are at the end of the first week of the new year…! Time is passing by with blink of eye and here I am by stander witnessing it pass by as if it is someone else’s time and life. 😦 

Get up in the morning, hastly finish and leave for the office. Do mundane things and wait for clock to tick 6PM. Leave for home,do the same stuff without change of a thin line and repeat -call it LIFE, Period…!

No matter how hard i am trying to push myself for the baby steps of starting 15 mins early in the morning, big failure it is…!I wonder when did I get this lazy, wasn’t it the same me for whom getting up at any odd hour of the clock was no deal? With this thing in, exercising is turnig to be a distant dream. I really need to loose couple of pounds atleast if not more.

 I downloaded Kindle so that I can get over the feeling of not finding time to buy/read books, book with not even 200 pages is laying in there for month now and I have no wish to complete it. Wasn’t it the same me for whom a night was enough to finish some 100 pages of the book?Where did I loose this will, for what I mean? What did I find worth loosing this so fondly inculcated hobby?Sigh..!

 Same goes with newly subscribed online tech courses, I purchased them so that I can learn on the move, but no i don’t even remember the last time I opened Udyme.This is yet another thing I am just wondering for.Yeah, you got it right, with no action to bring in the change.

Forget new learning and doing things, I tried cleaning up phones playlist so that I can listen what I like and cheer up for a while atleast, hell no, I am not liking a single track on my own playlist. Help ya people, tell me where should I go?

Bottom line :  nothing is turning up yours truly, yeah nowhere is where I am standing. I don’t even feel urge to do something about this dumb phase. Well,what can be more lame than this. 😐 Wait, if you are suggesting me to take a break, i don’t see it coming any soon.

P.S. : To all my besties who can read between the lines, you people exactly know where I am, in dire need of a meet up…

to the 9th one…!


Wish you a very happy 9th one cutie pie.

Last three months have been of extra-miler activities that lead you to be a hyper active being.We know you have never been a sane one, but I wont be exaggerating it if I say you are no less than a little monster ;).. The moment you open your eyes(yeah 5.30 AM/6 AM – now you people see why yours truly is cruel enough to call the cute little angle a MONSTER..!)you are all charged up to do every possible mundane thing on the earth.

Now that you can crawl, stand with support on your own but still cannot step forward,walker has been none less than blessing for you as I can see how your eyes sparkle with joy the moment we put you in and then you are all set to conquer the world, aint it? πŸ˜‰ Kitchen trolley being your most favorite time pass, you swiftly mange to pull all reachable things with your 2 feet height. Bedroom side tables are no exception to it and oh yeah morning chores were never this challenging for me , not even on the first day when I entered this house.

With you learning a new thing each day, you are making it even more for me step out leaving you behind. 😦

Wishing you a very happy one,tones more to merrier ones to follow.

P.S : I need to getΒ  a cake for you.. Signing off πŸ™‚

fast forward to the sixth month…!


So I started already missing on her milestones. She is six months today :). She has started turning around and learning to sit. Oh yes and thing of utter importance, she has started living 5 hours a day without me. πŸ™‚ 😦 . Yep you guys guessed it right, I have joined back and the emotional drain has been in process for 29 days now. We both are able to survive through it till now.

I am trying to put down all that happened so far, so that you and I both can read it as you grow up and mesmerize in the memories πŸ™‚

You can very well turn around now, so the risky business of letting you alone on the bed is gainingΒ  a fast pace. You did the first lesson of getting off the bed on the floor, giving a small heart attach to almost every one in the house. We are gearing up for being on toes and many such adventures :D. Giving you bath is turning to be the challenge as you refuse to be calm for even just a second. You are in hurry to do all the mundane things right then when your granny is giving you massage. We just wonder what is wrong for face cleaning thing with you, what makes you cry that louder every single day and how do you guess that we are going to have soap over your face no matter how many times we try and change the order of the things we do while bathing.

We have started making you taste the food we eat, aww how much you enjoy having food with all of us. That joy in your eyes is priceless and face that you make when you taste a new thing is so much fun to watch.

You wake up in just another minute I move away from you, be it be morning, or afternoon. How do you manage to guess that things have move around from you even I make sure you are fast a sleep before I step away. Sixth sense, is it something that is so developed for you already sweetheart? My attempt of keeping a pillow or a soft toy around you when I move away is a failure, you know it’s not me for sure.

You have started toothing, yeah I see it is painful for you. You are in constant effort to take a bite of anything and everything that you can. We welcome stomach infection with your this progress.

You have already started aligning people around in a sequence whom you want to stay with. If it is me around , you don’t want anyone else to hold you. Your dad is the second person in the home and your grandmother – she is the last and the only resort for you then. We all giggle to see you growing smart.

You blabber some letters as you play, “dada” ,”tyatya” are a few we can make some sense out of. It was no easy to record that audio as you managed to be silent every time you saw me holding the phone. But I am your mumma sweetheart :P, I managed to record it the other day and I would make sure to keep it safe for you to listen to it later. πŸ™‚

Oh yes last but not the least thing, you can very well sense a camera in front now. Is it nature that is pushing in the sense of technology this early in you as we are part of fast faced tech world?

 

Those small moments


Of the anger
Of the love
Of the joy
Of the sorrow
Of the commitment
Of the betraying
Of the contentment
Of the emptiness
Of the envy
Of the anxiety
Of the Nothingness….
It never lasts more than a moment, be it be any thing. Live it when it lasts..!

rant


They say people count on every goal that is missed and not the goals that are hit. I am experiencing this saying to the fullest in the personal as well as professional life. I end up forgetting without any intension just like that as there are hundred and ten things on my mind at a given point of time. I accept that this is something I really need to work on, I just cannot let is happen over and over again. But then cannot I expect at least a one person around me to understand that what I did wasn’t intentional for one time at least supposing I am repeating single things say 10 times??
Should I even count on all these people as mine if they cannot take a single miss from me? Is getting married and wearing mangalsutra any kind of certification that once you have it, you are not supposed to commit any mistake? Not sure it is just my state of mind and not the fact as I am yet not comfortable with the new house and people around though it will be four moths of being so tomorrow. Or is it the fact that I should accept and stop expecting any one around to be considerate? Wouldn’t that mean even I am being unfair to my own self? No, I cannot do that, how can even I think of being non considerate alike everyone else. I assure myself to make peace with my own self.
I’ll sand by and guard my self till I get out of this down fall.

note to self..!


Its a high time that I should get back on the routine. Well by routine I mean “back doing things that I love doing”, otherwise its pretty much a routine that I so desperately want to break out from. It may sound stupid or may be like I am talking infinite loops, but if it so, so be it. Listing is down while I remind myself to get back to all this…
1) Get back to reading habit ASAP
2) Blog regularly, be it be just a lines or two. Do it no matter what.
3)Get the guitar tuned whichever way possible.
4) Prey daily.
5) Whatever is supposed go wrong, is going to go wrong, stop worrying.
6) Get back to the old friends, being married cannot be excuse for losing contacts, you cannot afford it.!
7)Start studying as I have a assessment to complete in the year half  which already has a month passed.
8)Learn to have better control on temper.

I hope I will be able to keep up with all that is listed above.
Till the next time,
Its me
Yours truly

two states


In the moods these days..
May be positive, may be negative
May be truth may be falsehood.
May be reality may be fantasy.
May be fact may be perception.
May be right may be wrong.
May be mine may be yours.
May be should hang on  may be let go.
Confused ,puzzled…!

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