For the yet another time I am not sure what it is. Why is this uneasy feeling,why this gloom around. I am not sure what mind state it is and why it is here in the first place. Positive words have stopped working for me somehow. Nothing seems in place. I am not able to concentrate on any single thing,finding everything to be just an over head.
I have striven hard to get to work on thing and technology I love, but some how from last couple of days no matter how interesting the work is, I just don’t feeling like doing it. Deadlines are approaching fast, peice of work that I am assigned to is critical, my mind know it all and still it refuses to take it upon. I mean what do we call it? I really cannot afford this state of my mind.And did I mention this state is not limited to the work only.
To add some colors to the monotonous life,just to have some breathing space, feel the joy of creativity, keep up the learning attitude,I have joined guitar classes. Borrowed the guitar from a friend so that I can keep practicing beyond the class hours. I was loving it to the core. Yes sadly I should say “I was”(figures crossed, I wish to write it as “I am loving it” really soon) and its same story here. I simply don’t feel like touching those strings. There is such a long plan already made as to list of songs to be learned,buying my very own guitar and playing some complete track unplugged, and let you wonderful reader hear it and look for your feed back. Where is the urge gone? I want it back,I really want it back.
Same story continues with reading. Its been time that used to peep at the pass by book stalls to pick up the one or two just in the time traffic single goes green. This was the desperation to read irrespective of the hectic schedule. And now I am just planning to buy a new book to read since last 15 days. Yes,just “PLANS”. It was never been the case that I didn’t know what is the next book to read,but now I really don’t know,if I am to pick up, what should it be. I feel envy to see my roomy lost over a book. Where is that “ME”. I am just so missing my own self.
It was me who was scolded every now and then because of the plugged ear phones, and yes you people got it right, I don’t even feel like listening songs too. My beloved iPod, who was the companion of night till I fall a sleep remain in the bag pocket.
Where I am heading with this all. Ahhh I don’t know what I need. No don’t suggest me to take a break I already had it. Had really good time with all my cousin brothers and sisters. Probably I just need some time with myself.I need the ME time so that I can re-organize myself and priorities things on mind. Is it that I am trying to think and do so many things at a time that is causing this chaos? I need to figure this out. Till then,if there is something that you people can suggest,please do. Suggestions are kindheartedly looked forward to.
Hope to you meet you people on a positive note next time we meet. Till then,
Rooh ka banjara re parinda
Chhad gaya dil ka re gharonda
Chhad gaya dil ka re gharonda todke
Re gharonda todke, gaya chhodke
(Its the free spirit (in me) that is soaring, flying out like a bird, escaping from my heart, which (once) used to be its abode…..breaking the shackles that held it within….(as we talk), the spirit is away on a wing and a prayer, having bolted from its own (constraining) home.)
Je naina karun band band
Beh jaye boond boond
Tadpaye re, kyun sunaye geet malhar de
(Every time I close my eyes, the river (of tears) begins to drizzle (down)…..Anguish and misery are my (constant) company, even as the song (and sounds) of rain(s) have started their slow dance.)